I Can Only Spend What?? Part Deux

Many moons ago, I was challenged to create a fake budget for myself, and I had to incorporate 90 balanced meals. I promised to post my menu when I was done, and I never got around to it. I’m sure you’re all used to that by now.

I want to pat myself on the back and say that I had $5 left over on my fake budget. I would probably use the $5 to buy something other than lentils. Believe it or not, you can buy a lot of food products at the dollar store, and a lot of them aren’t too bad. The country ham is great, and you can often find feta cheese. I don’t know if I’d want to eat this menu all the time, but I could still live happily on it.

In case you were wondering, my food bill for the month was $93.15, and that included tax. I remember when I could easily live on that for a month, but those days are long gone. I also want to mention that many of my classmates went the Lean Cuisine route. I made a personal pledge that I would neither do that nor live on sandwiches. I was successful on both counts!

Click on the above menu to see it larger

A Lucky Peach, Indeed

What has two thumbs and is a total slacker?  This guy!  Yes, I know it's been far too long since I've regaled you with kitchen stories.  And I realize you're still waiting to know how my fake budget turned out.  Not to worry--that will be my next post.  At this time, I have bigger and better things to tell you.  What could be bigger and better than a fake poverty-level budget?  I'M IN LOVE!

Who is it?  The answer may be surprising, depending upon how well you know me.  It's not so much of a who as a what.  And that what is Lucky Peach.  And what, pray tell, is Lucky Peach?  It's a new quarterly magazine from NYC Chef David Chang and the people who bring you No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain.  Do I really have to tell you that it is my new favorite magazine?  I didn't think so.

My intrepid sidekick, LA, and I were perusing the magazine racks at our local Barnes & Noble, and I decided to look over the cooking section.  I do so mostly out of habit, since I know what's waiting for me is typically a showcase of Food Network honeys (and Food Network magazine, if I want all the honeys in one place).  I don't need to know how to make a "tablescape" for every crappy meal I've cooked up using all pre-made ingredients, and I never say "Yum-O", so those magazines aren't really for me.  The only exception may be Paula Deen's.  She is my dream mother-in-law.  Besides, her magazine is full of photos of her eye candy son, Bobby.  So maybe that magazine is one of the better ones.  Bon Appetit is all available online (and full of out-of-my-real-and-fake-budget ingredients) and Saveur has never been one of my favorites.  How many issues can they devote to pesto? 

Then my eye caught a photo of a hand holding a plucked chicken.  Right there in the front row!  Who could possibly have the audacity to show food in its raw form?  David Chang, apparently.  Then I saw "Issue 1 - Ramen".  Seriously?  I flipped through the magazine, and I was instantly hooked.  Of course, I was also not-so-instantly out of money, so the purchase of the magazine would have to wait until after payday.

Once the money was in the bank, we headed back to B&N.  I had to have that magazine!  I happily plunked down my $10 (+ tax), hoping that I would get my money's worth.  And get it, I did.  This may be the best magazine in print. 

The first issue is, in fact, devoted to ramen.  But not in the way you might think.  The first article is a travel diary, tracing a trip through Japan in search of great ramen.  Ruth Reichl (editor of the now sadly defunct Gourmet magazine) reviews assorted store brands of ramen.  David Chang gives us some great recipes using dried ramen noodles, including Instant Ramen Gnocchi Parisienne and Instant Ramen Cacio e Pepe.  While Chef Chang apologizes for writing an "obvious" recipe like Ramen-Crusted Skate, I would still happily try making it.

Despite great articles on the origins of ramen and a biography of David Chang written by Anthony Bourdain, my personal favorite items in the first issue of Lucky Peach are two haiku.  One is a recipe for Corn with Miso Butter and Bacon, written by the editor.  Yes, a recipe written in haiku form.  The best haiku, however, comes courtesy of Oscar, who is (presumably) David Chang's dog.  And who wears a do-rag.  "If I had some eggs / I could have some eggs 'n' toast / If I had some toast."  A dog who writes haiku.  Awesome! 

My favorite article from the magazine.  How is this not me and my friends?

Do I need to say again how much I love Lucky Peach?  While the $10 cover price may be a bit steep, the magazine is all articles, unlike many other food magazines which are stuffed with advertisements for rubber floor mats and vacations in Sedona.  The good news is that a subscription is only $28.  Okay, it's still higher than your average magazine, but I'm ready to support someone who knows how to cook and cares about food and not just "tablescapes".  It always comes back to the tablescape. 

Seriously--go buy this magazine!  Keep in print so I have something interesting to read between classes.

For a subscription to Lucky Peach, click here.

I Can Only Spend What??

As many of you know, I have once again become a college student.  Third time's the charm!  I'm in classes full-time for the next two years, and my current term began in May.  I'm in one online psychology class, which is just plain weird.  But I'm also taking a sociology class in an honest-to-goodness classroom.  I love this class!  Most of the other students don't, but that's their problem.  How is this relevant, you may ask?  Well, I'll tell you how it's relevant.  Our last assignment is one for which we have to create a budget.  Sounds easy, right?  Not exactly.  We're allotted a monthly income of $674, with $17 in food stamps. 

With our $674, we have to pay rent and utilities, plus buy a bus pass and $9 worth of medication each month.  (I wish my medication bill were so low!)  We also have to do laundry, buy toilet paper, and eat 90 balanced meals.  We also must buy one "other" item.  I'm taking Orson with me to my crappy imaginary apartment, so my "other" item is dog food.  One guy in the class asked if he could buy weed with his.  I suppose we all have our priorities.  I haven't finished my budget to find out how much I'm allowed to spend on food, but I know it can't be much.  The instructor stipulated that we have to eat balanced meals to ensure that most of the 19-year old guys in my class (including the pot-smoker mentioned above) don't just live on ramen.  I think I may have a slight advantage.

Yesterday LA and I scoped out the local Dollar Tree.  I love me some Dollar Tree.  I know what will become my primary grocery source on my imaginary budget.  I found eggs, flour, country ham, frozen vegetables, crackers, baguettes, and popsicles, all for $1 each!  Yesterday I bought mustard, pickles, tater tots, and John Wayne toilet paper.  I'm sure you are all familiar with John Wayne toilet paper.  It's rough, it's tough, and it doesn't take shit off anyone!  But it's four rolls for $1, so it went in the basket. 

After the Dollar Tree, we headed over to the farmer's market.  I promised to make LA fried green tomatoes for the 4th.  I picked up two green tomatoes, a head of romaine lettuce, and an onion for $3.14.  I would've liked to also pick up the number of the guy who rang it all up, but that wasn't happening.  The farmer's market will be involved in the produce aspect of my fake menu/budget.

So far, my menu is sounding pretty tasty.  Roast chicken with mashed sweet potatoes and peas.  Roasted garlic and potato soup with chicken salad on a baguette.  Lentil salad with tomatoes and hard-boiled egg.  Country ham, potato, and green pea Spanish tortilla with a Caesar salad.  Who knew that being on a budget could taste so good? 

Once I figure out the actual budget, a few things may change, but I have a feeling I'll still be eating better than most of the class.  Maybe I should tell the instructor that I have a slight advantage and not to judge me too harshly for my menu.  I can just imagine him asking how I managed to eat so well on so little money.  I may have to incorporate this menu into my current budget!  It sounds better than how I'm eating now.

Once I finish the entire menu and budget, I plan on posting it for all to see.  Wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed that I get an A!

Carla Anne's Cookies are Now Nationally Known

I want to give a shout out to Carla Whaley (and Mark) of Carla Anne's Homestyle Cookies!  I was flipping through the June 2011 issue of Food Network Magazine, and I saw her BBQ cookies.  I have to admit that I haven't had the BBQ cookies (although now I have to), but I have had her blueberry muffins and sourdough bread.  Both are highly recommended.  Her best item in my book is her Cheerwine truffle, a delicious bite of Cheerwine, wrapped in a chocolate coating.  (For those readers not from these parts, Cheerwine is a regionally-produced cherry-flavored soda.)

The aforementioned cookies are available on Carla's website for $12 for 24 cookies.  Get them while you can!

On an Evening in Charlotte

Like most people, LA and I are creatures of habit.  We go to the Liberty East, we go to Las Margaritas.  Occasionally we venture out to a new place.  In this case, we ventured out to FedEx Office (which I usually still refer to as "Kinko's").  Our trip to FedEx Office paid off in unexpected ways.

LA needed to print out some documents on a day on which the library was closed.  The next best place to print something?  FedEx Office.  We went there on a Tuesday around lunchtime.  By the time the documents were printed, we were starving.  We could go to Chipotle.  Who doesn't love Chipotle?  I used to eat there when there was only one in the whole country.  (Speaking of, you still owe me $5 for that bet, Scott.)  Mexican was a little tired for us, since we'd recently been to the aforementioned Las Margaritas.  Our other options were bagels or pizza.  LA chose pizza, and I readily agreed.

When we walked into MezzaNotte, I was expecting a regular corner pizza joint.  Red-checked tablecloths, a counter at which we'd place our order, even some parmesan shakers sitting on the table.  Boy, was I wrong!  MezzaNotte is a very cozy and upscale place, with white cotton tablecloths, dark wood panelling, and a wood-fired pizza oven behind the bar.  On a side note, who puts the pizza oven behind the bar?  I consider it to be a small question and not one that detracts from the overall atmosphere of MezzaNotte.

The sign outside MezzaNotte states that their Lunch Express Menu is $9.95.  For lunch?  I'm used to the Dollar Menu.  But we hoped we'd get our money's worth.  The Lunch Express includes a soup or salad, a slice of pizza, and an entree, as well as iced tea.  Ok, maybe the price isn't as bad as we initially thought.

Based on the recommendation of our server, Iesha, LA ordered the tomato goat cheese soup, a slice of cheese pizza, and the Rigatoni Buttera.  I asked what was involved in the MezzaNotte salad.  Iesha wasn't sure, but she knew it had iceberg, onions, and blue cheese dressing.  I'll have that, but hold the onions!  I also ordered a slice of margherita pizza, as well as the Rigatoni Buttera. 

LA's soup was delicious.  Excellent recommendation!  Very tomatoey and acidic, but with the tang and creaminess of goat cheese.  The MezzaNotte salad is, in reality, a mix of iceberg and romaine lettuces, with cherry tomatoes, red onion, artichoke hearts, diced ham, and black olives, in the housemade blue cheese dressing.  My salad arrived with a small slice of easily-removed red onion.  The pantry cook was a little heavy-handed with the salad dressing, but I didn't mind.  Their dressing is reminiscent of Caesar dressing, but with the addition of blue cheese.  They should bottle and sell it!

Next arrived the pizza.  The "slice" is actually half of a small pizza.  LA had the standard American cheese pizza.  It was good, but tasted like every other slice of cheese pizza that I've ever had.  The margherita pizza was covered in a tangy tomato sauce, with gooey fresh mozzarella and spicy basil.  LA thought mine was too spicy, but I thought it was perfect.  The wood-fired oven gives the crust a crispy chew, which can make it difficult to cut through, and the slices are to big to eat by hand.  I'm not typically a crust person, but I ate all of mine.

We both then got a small plate of rigatoni in a tomato cream sauce, with peas and Italian sausage.  I found the rigatoni to be a bit too al dente, and neither of us were particularly crazy about the dish.  The peas were too much of a contrast with the sausage and sauce, and the dish had no real counterpoint that provided any balance. 

On our next visit, I stuck with the standard Express Lunch menu.  This time I had the house salad.  You'd think it would be the same as the MezzaNotte salad, but you (and I and Iesha) would be mistaken.  The house salad is a mix of lettuces, with tomatoes, cucumber, and carrots.  Again, it was dressed heavy-handedly. 

I ordered the diavola pizza after asking Iesha what was on it.  She wasn't sure, but she thought that it had red peppers and knew it had banana peppers.  Never one to make things easy on a server, I requested that they hold the banana peppers.  The diavola pizza has a spicy tomato sauce that's covered with Italian sausage, salami, and mozzarella.  I saw nary a red pepper.  All the same, it was fantastic.  I liked it even better than I had the margherita pizza. 

Filet of branzino caught my eye, and I asked Iesha what came with it.  "Nothing.  You get so much with everything else that it doesn't come with anything."  I ordered it anyway.  A good size filet of the branzino, which is a white fish, arrived, with a side of roasted potatoes and tomatoes.  The fish had been floured and pan-fried to perfection, neither undercooked nor dry.  LA had a bit and declared it "too plain", but a squeeze of the accompanying lemon was all the seasoning I needed for it.
LA ordered the Ariana salad, which typically comes with salmon, but asked to have the steak from the Bistecca salad substituted for the salmon.  No problem.  When his salad arrived, it was the Bistecca salad.  Back it went to the kitchen.  Why had he been so adamant about the Ariana salad?  Because it's a spinach salad with caramelized walnuts, cherry tomatoes, bacon, and goat cheese.  The steak was a bit salty and had even been finished with sea salt, but it was cooked to medium rare, just as LA had ordered it.  He thought the salad was only dressed with oil, but I think there was a vinaigrette hiding somewhere in there.  I would order that in the future, only without the sea salt finish.

The best thing about MezzaNotte?  A basket of bread is brought to the table, accompanied by white beans.  The white beans are tossed with some diced tomato, red onion, basil, red pepper flakes, and olive oil.  I'm starting to drool just thinking about it.  Who needs butter?

The service at MezzaNotte has been excellent on both visits.  Iesha was our server on both occasions.  My personal opinion is that she should be a bit more knowledgeable about their menu items, but she makes up for it by taking good care of her tables.  LA and I both had mistakes on our special orders, but they were quickly and pleasantly corrected.  The ambience is fantastic as well.  It's comfortable and cozy, but not overly casual.  While there is a patio, it's been too hot for us to sit out there.  Maybe some evening we'll stop in for one of their Happy Hour pizza specials and sit on the patio, watching traffic go by.  Without question, we plan on becoming regulars.

MezzaNotte is located at 2907 Providence Road, in the Providence Plaza, at the corner of Providence and Sharon Amity.

P.S. Props to anyone who got the Dean Martin reference from the title of this post.

I'll Give You Something to Cry About!

With the knowledge that I wouldn't be able to drive for one to two weeks after my surgery (which went quite smoothly), I've been cooking large batches of things and then freezing them.  Our freezer is full of "war rations"--little foil bricks of assorted deliciousness.  We've got creamed tacos, meatloaf, lasagna, chili, and beef stew hiding out in the freezer.  But it all seemed a little beef heavy.  I wanted something that would be lighter.  Of course, I still had to make a huge portion of it.

Last week I bought a turkey breast.  The whole thing.  It even came with a gravy packet!  I started throwing more items into my grocery cart, thinking of all the wonderful things I could have with my turkey.  Then the lightbulb came on.  I could make a turkey roulade!

I can't be bothered to follow someone else's recipe or write down my own, so I thought about what would taste good and then went with it.  The stuffing started with half a loaf of Everything bread from Walmart.  That bread is ridiculously good.  I cut it into large cubes and baked them in the oven at 350 degrees F until they were croutons.  I minced half an onion and several stalks of celery and cooked those with about two cloves of garlic.  I tossed those into a bowl with the croutons, then sprinkled in ground sage, dried thyme, and black pepper, moistening it with 1 1/2 cups of sodium-free chicken broth.  At this point, I realized it was bland.  I stared at the open pantry for minutes, hoping something would catch my attention.  Green chiles!  Really, it was a toss-up between green chiles and chickpeas.  I mixed in a teaspoon of diced green chiles and what seemed like way too much cumin.  The stuffing still didn't taste how I wanted it to, but I said "to hell with it" and moved on. 

I removed the breasts from the bone, then threw the bone in a pot with cold water, the remaining half onion, some peppercorns, parsley, and more celery.  It's still cooking.  I butterflied the breasts, cutting a slit in them and opening them like a book.  I pulled out my trusty rolling pin and started whacking the heck out of the poor, defenseless breasts.  The rolling pin also came in handy to chase away nosy little dogs.  That was the moment that LA showed up in the kitchen, looking at me like I'd gone completely mad.  "What are you doing??"  "Flattening the turkey."  I thought it was obvious.  I put the stuffing at one end of each breast and rolled them up.  LA ate the remaining uncooked stuffing out of the bowl.  I placed the breasts on a greased baking pan.  Then I did something amazing.

I grabbed the low-sodium bacon out of the fridge and laid slices on the turkey, tucking them in so they didn't curl up during cooking.  Bacon-wrapped stuffed turkey breast!  LA was in awe.  Into a 350 degree F oven they went.  I have a thermometer with an alarm that tells me when my food is done, so I stuck that in so I wouldn't have to watch the turkey.  I had more important things to worry about, like whether or not LA and I had gotten prison mail (he did, I didn't).

After about an hour, the house smelled like bacony goodness, and the turkey was done.  I removed the breasts to a platter and scraped all of the drippings into my saucepan.  Following the directions on the accompanying gravy packet, I added 1 cup of water and 1 cup of homemade turkey stock and brought it to a boil.  I cut open the gravy packet and carried it over to the pan when the inevitable happened.  It slipped out of my hand.  I grabbed the now half-full packet from the floor and quickly dumped it in the pan.  I was covered in gravy, my apron was covered in gravy, the stove was covered in gravy, and, most especially, the floor was covered in gravy.  The dogs thought they'd died and gone to gravy heaven.  LA tried to get them out of the kitchen, but I considered them to be the cleanup crew.  They did a fantastic job.

I returned to the gravy, to which I added more green chiles, cumin, and black pepper.  Time to eat!  The turkey sliced effortlessly and had a beautiful stuffing center.  I ladled some gravy over three slices and handed it to LA, before preparing some for myself.  Before cutting in to my own, I asked LA how it was.  He told me he was too busy "eating delicious" to talk.  He was right.  I thought I would cry.  The bacon was crisp, the turkey was tender and moist, and the stuffing was spicy and had absorbed additional juice from the turkey.  All I could say was, "I think I'm going to cry."  I thought about poor Kayla, having to eat dry, bland old turkey while I was eating stuffed yumminess.  I guess next Easter, she'll just have to spend it with us.

Also, kudos to me for doing most of this one-handed.  I single-handedly made a turkey dinner!  Well, I thought it was funny anyway.

It's Good to Be Regular

Ha!  Fooled you!  You thought this would be a diatribe on the wonders of bran, but you were mistaken.  I'm talking about being a regular at a neighborhood dining spot.  And no, chain restaurants and fast food joints do not count.  I mean real, neighborhood restaurants, with real servers and food that hasn't come straight out of a box.

When LA first moved in with me way back in November of '09, we made it our goal to become regulars at the North 29 Grill in Kannapolis.  We went every Saturday; eventually Miss Tammy and the gang learned our names.  Then they learned that we lived two houses away.  They also learned some personal information about us, which I will not go into further at this time.

For us, becoming a regular somewhere gave us a sense of home and community.  Neither of us has any family in the state (unless we count each other), and we were both tired of feeling anonymous in the community.  We solved that problem with our weekly outings to "the Grill". 

We've since said our good-byes to the fine folks at the North 29 Grill, as we embarked upon new adventures in the Queen City.  But being in the big city left us with a bit of dilemma: which place should become the new "our place"?  We had Carolina Kebap, which is run by friendly people who serve fantastic Turkish food.  If you go there and the roast chicken is available, get it!  Las Margaritas is good, but it didn't quite fit the bill.  On one of our early outings to see what was in our area, we stumbled onto Liberty East Restaurant, Open 24 Hours.

We took our chances on Liberty East late one night.  The parking lot was practically empty.  The unfriendliest host in the restaurant seated us.  We then had the pleasure of meeting our waitress.  She was an older woman with short hair and a smoker's voice.  Here's our actual exchange:

Me:  "We've never been here before.  What's good on the menu?"
Peggy:  "everything"
Me:  "And what's your name?"
Peggy:  "peggy"

Peggy doesn't speak with capital letters.  Or inflection.  Or even a glimmer of life in her eyes.  Other servers have confirmed that Peggy is always like that.  Other servers are also friendly and helpful, but there's something about Peggy's soulless service that makes her our favorite.

The Liberty East is a diner, whether their name says so or not.  Wood spindles between booths, wood-patterned melamine on the walls, and wagon wheel light fixtures.  They also have a refrigerated pie case that they use (much to my consternation) to store boxes of cereal.  At the front, near the cash register, is a non-working cigarette machine--the old school kind where you pulled the lever and your box of cigarettes fell down.  Ah, the good ol' days.  The menu also hasn't been updated in a generation.  Not only can I get livermush with breakfast, but I can get liver and onions for dinner.  With that being said, the food is certainly worth the trip.

Liberty East has three daily specials that may or may not come with soup (depending on whether Peggy is your server), three vegetables sides, and your choice of banana or chocolate puddin' (again depending on whether Peggy is your server).  All this for usually under $7, depending on the main item you pick.  LA had beef tips over rice, which he thought was really good, although the gravy had a weird taste to it that I attributed to allspice.  I had the pot roast.  Tender, with chunks of carrot and fingerling potato, but again with the allspice.  Another server said the hot open-faced turkey sandwich is made with deli turkey, so she didn't recommend that.  I did get the hot beef sandwich and got my money's worth.  Two slices of white bread, with probably a half pound of roast beef, served with the brown allspiced gravy and a side of steak fries.  The roast beef dinner is stacked even higher.  In both cases, I was eating roast beef for more than one meal.  My favorite menu item is the cheeseburger.  Nothing special, but it is tasty.  The burgers are served with unsalted steak fries, which is a bonus for me. 

On the flip side, LA was disappointed in the gyro pita, as was I with the patty melt.  And I love a patty melt.  Neither were bad, just not as good as some of the other items we've had. 

Liberty East is where we head late at night when we're hungry and don't feel like cooking.  We've gone anywhere from 8pm on a Saturday night to 11pm on a weeknight and have been on of the few tables.  The folks that are there are of every age, color, and "lifestyle".  Saturday mornings are a different story.  I took my friend Vince to the Liberty East when he was visiting from Orlando.  The restaurant was packed, and we were the youngest people there by probably 30+ years.  The breakfasts are good, and they are available all day.  Watching the breakfasts cooks was also a fun pasttime, as I could watch the stack of eggs quickly shrink. 

A few things to keep in mind AKA the bees in my bonnet:  1) The wait staff goes out the front door to smoke.  2)  The bathrooms are clean and in good condition, but smell like mold and cleaner.  I couldn't even stay in there long enough to use them--I just walked in, looked around, and walked back out.  3)  The servers usually have friends and/or family there while they're working.  Don't they have sidework?  4)  I've seen three different men working the cash register, all at different times of the day, so I assume they are the owners and have shifts.  They all have the same accent that I can't place, and they are all exceptionally unfriendly.  One is less unfriendly than the others, but not by much.  When they're not busy, they usually sit in the first booth nearest the register, which is intimidating for me when I'm seated near them.  I heard one of them joke with a customer once, but it came out sounding more like a threat on their life.  And they never act like they've seen us before.

We're still working on becoming regulars.  Since LA and I are always together, we're a little easier to remember.  Maybe it will sink in one day and we'll be welcomed with open arms.  And, to answer your unasked question, no, there's no Liberty West Restaurant.  We asked.

Liberty East Restaurant is located at 5112 E. Independence Blvd.  It's between Sharon Amity Rd and Idlewild, next to Casual Male XL and Enterprise Rent-A-Car.

UPDATE:  We went back to the Liberty East for lunch on 4/9.  The same cook and dishwasher have been there every single time we've gone, which makes me wonder if they are ever given any time off.  The man at the cash register was younger and friendlier than the regular ones (and an admitted chocoholic).  I had the roast beef dinner, this time ordering the black-eyed peas as one of my sides.  Oh my word!  Next time I go, I may just order those and nothing else.  They had been cooked with onions, which I could taste, but they were so good.  I didn't detect as much allspice or whatever it is in the brown gravy this time either.  I practically liked the plate clean.  LA had a "tossed salad", which was iceberg lettuce and one tomato wedge.  Our waitress was quite pleasant and gave me regular refills of my soft drink.  She just brought a pitcher of sweet tea for LA.  We'd actually gone there because LA was craving banana puddin', then he didn't even order any!  It's still our favorite place in Charlotte.